Masculinity and Feminity
Men and women are different. This is a biological reality because we have different biologic capabilities that are necessary for the continuation of our species. There is a rightness and healthiness to living into what's true about our masculinity and femininity.
Definitions
Masculinity is about making safe
Femininity is about making life
Said another way: men make space and women fill it.
Healthy masculinity provides for their people, makes a safe space for their people to live, and that draws out the best in people.
Healthy femininity energizes their people, it brings out life in every form (children, art, conversation, vulnerability), and that draws out the best in people.
The world needs masculine men and feminine women
Masculinity that doesn’t make the vulnerable feel safe is toxic. It’s a self centered focus on feeling strong and having power.
Masculinity that doesn’t make evil people afraid is equally toxic. It’s also a self centered focus, a cowardly focus on your own safety.
Femininity that focuses too much on oneself (comfort, etc) is toxic. It’s self centered and about hoarding your life giving energy.
Femininity that focuses too much on others is equally toxic. It’s an undervaluing of your own life, and it will destroy you. Depriving yourself and the world of what you have to offer.
The right man makes you feel free, seen, and whole. The wrong man makes you feel small, unsafe, and like a servant.
The right woman makes you feel energized, cherished, and whole. The wrong woman makes you feel bound and sucks the life out of you.
The world devoid of either is wrong
Without safety children and art and play cannot exist.
Without life, a safe, wealthy existence is without meaning.
Not everything is about masculinity or femininity
Most traits are unrelated to masculinity and femininity: to be smart, or kind, or honest, or good is not inherently more masculine or feminine.
Masculinity and femininity are an important, foundational identity, but they should not be all consuming.
What about gay people?
In my experience every gay couple that’s happily married for a long time has one partner that’s more masculine and one that’s more feminine. I think that’s a natural expression of every human’s need for both energies in their life to feel fulfilled.
For the Christians
This definition is inspired by Genesis 1. In the first three days God separated things (making space) and the second three days He filled it with life.
The divine masculine must come first to make a place habitable, the divine feminine comes in second to make that place worth living in.
Neither is superior but there is a right ordering.
If all humans are images of God then God is maximally masculine and maximally feminine.
When Paul talks about mutual submission in a marriage, it’s the idea that a husband and a wife need each other to live a full life together. We have responsibilities that depend on each other, and the relationship requires sacrifice in support of each other.
If you chose a more traditional marriage, the husband has the responsibility to provide for and guide the family on their mission. While the wife has the responsibility to about life, supporting the family's mission, and keeping the husband accountable to their shared values.
Just like the pairing of a king and a prophet. They need each other or things don’t work. It's only our worldly sensibilities have just assigned king as more valuable a role in the world than prophet, when in heaven each is just as valuable in the eyes of God. Same for the roles of every person in their family.
Disclaimer
This is about people in general, on average, there are always exceptions.
Some men will be truly happy as the stay at home parent; some women are meant to lead. On average though, men and women tend to feel fulfilled in roles that help them express their masculinity and femininity.